Quiet Love

Years ago, I read a beautiful story about love.  In it an elderly couple were having supper in a diner, each silently chewing and lost in their own thoughts.  The young honeymooner viewing them pitied them, casting them off as bored, out of touch, out of love, and ready to die without the passions of love.  Only upon leaving the restaurant did the judging man notice that the couple had their hands tightly clasped underneath the table.  He was dumbfounded.

I read this as a newlywed myself, completely out of touch with the lasting quality of love.  I knew about the passions of youthful love, the strength of idealism, and the beginnings of faith.  But the kind of love that has been proved over years was something I could not yet know.  Today, many years later,  in the Bible I re-read "the love" chapter.  "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1st Cor 13:4-7)  It's brilliant.  It answers so many questions I long to ask God about my life.  It answers my fears as well as my indignant exclamations.  Its quiet words comfort me and direct me in marriage, parenting, and friendship.

This summer, I've had several lessons in quiet love.  My four month old son teaches me the value of it by wanting nothing more than my eyes gazing directly into his, which is a great joy to do but takes settling down.  My older children want me watching them with undivided attention many times a day.  They want to laugh together, to play together, and to be in good rapport.  They want their space, of course, but the quiet love of watching them, even in their own play, speaks volumes of true love to them and they know it ("Mom, can you play with me?  Mom, can you turn your computer off?  Mom, can you stop looking at your phone?  Mom, can we have a special night together?").
Thank God that for any small labor I do for them, I've been rewarded most faithfully in these beautiful, endearing, relationships with my children.

I am challenged to be this kind of loving Christian in marriage also.  I am to be a supportive, faithful, fun-loving and quietly loving wife.  Biblical examples that come to mind briefly are the directive to win husband over "without a word", the Proverbs 31 woman fearing the Lord and supporting her hubby, the plentiful reminders of fools being verbose, the gossipy pleasures of worldly women being lascivious and crude, the ecclesiastical reminders to relax after a long day of work with your spouse versus being the nagging, contentious wife, and the Song of Solomon reminders to cherish intimacy and to create a setting for it.  All of this, combined with the great verses above, give us a recipe for success in marriages of every style.

The biblical understanding of love is modeled by the elderly couple in the diner who simply and quietly loved one another in the happily ever after kind of way.   That still speaks louder to me.than the best marital tools in my toolbox, and I've got a few of them.  I've got a lot to learn about temperance in being this kind of wife and mother but I am encouraged by my learnings.  I have seen success when I have loved in this way, the kind of success that grounds me in Christ, that gives me the self-respect only a person of temperance can feel, the quiet dignity of a life well-lived, and often, the increased joy on the faces of those I am loving well.  To get their love in return is not a guarantee, but I have been blessed to have a very full cup of love on a daily basis and am trusting God to keep me in His stead.